First day of ‘ Big School’ tomorrow… where did my baby go ?

First day of school nerves and that is just mum! I am a nervous wreck and it is not helped by the fact that my son has nothing formal in place at school- awaiting ed psych visit and have no idea when that will be .However, i will give until the end of the week and if I haven’t heard from her, I will be making contact myself. I feel physically sick to my stomach. I am laying awake at night worrying and have done on and off for weeks.

J is looking forward to it- well, he says’ ”I am excited about going to reception” which is just lovely to hear ( thank goodness he got into the same school he was at nursery at or I really would be feeling panicky!)That said, the meltdowns are more frequent, his patience less, his anxiety more, lots of chewing and stimming….. so I can guess that he is feeling nervous too but doesn’t know how to tell me. That and the fact he had a meltdown only a few minutes after laying his eyes on his school uniform last week….. it went on for over and hour and although he kept saying’ I don’t know’ when asked what was upsetting him, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it was linked to school. fast forward a couple of hours and , after much prompting and patience, he said he had no friends and it made him sad:( My poor, poor boy- how  can I help him with this? I have obtained a social story about making friends and it deals with what friends are and how to ask people to play so I am hoping this will help, even a little. M- what a superstar- later said, ” you are my best friend to him” which made me well up:)

Yesterday was my working day but I took time out to make a ‘ pen picture’ of J to take to his teacher and SENCO. I don’t know whether it will help but at least I feel I am doing SOMETHING and I am hoping they will read it. That said , despite  trying to brief, it has turned into 14 pages , but never mind!

I keep getting very concerned about M’s behaviour. I know it is natural to worry when one child has a diagnosis ( no matter if a formal one or not) but some things are really worrying me. She keeps randomly reading words…. she can’t read yet and cannot even recognise all her letters but she will pick up a book she has never seen before and read the title ( the picture on the front has not been  a clue  either – mainly abstract picture or unrelated to title) and the other week I asked J what a street sign said and M said it straight away- we have never read it before or mentioned that street so that was more than coincidence. She has developed an EXTREME fear of flies where she becomes totally hysterical and sometimes these flies are invisible to me:( She doesn’t like playing on playground equipment if another child is already on or if one gets on with her….. but chats to adults easily. She has an amazing long term memory- just like her big brother. She is doing a really weird thing with her mouth at the moment…mainly when anxious or upset- she pulls one side of her bottom lip down and out at a funny angle – it looks really odd:( I know I shouldn’t analyse her and just enjoy her but then I think, yes, but what if i miss something here and girls with AS can present so differently. I am sure she is fine and she has great imaginative play and on the whole very sociable… but those nagging doubts keep coming back….

Well, I am going to check J’s bag for the 100th time and check my phone is fully charged for tomorrow  and then think about getting my little ones for some last day of holiday fun outside whilst the weather is fine. Fingers and everything else crossed for tomorrow…. watch this space.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Deb
    Sep 05, 2011 @ 22:02:00

    Oh gosh, it does sound like you have a lot on your plate. My son can rarely tell me what’s upsetting him either so I just have to try and interpret the behaviour. At the moment, he is stressy about returning to school and certain behaviours have flared up which is difficult. Generally though he has improved since he’s been in special school. Hope you get somewhere with the ed psych; funnily enough we have a big mtg this week with ed psych & SENCO regarding my daughter who has aspergers and some learning difficulties. Dreading it. If you have doubts about your daughter please seek advice and put your mind at rest. I felt the same about my daughter; I had days when I thought there wasn’t a problem and days when I was convinced she had an ASD. Eventually I pushed for an assessment and got her diagnosed. I’m glad I did but many professionals couldn’t believe that I had picked it up as girls present so subtly, as my daughter does. All the best for tomorrow. Deb x

    Reply

  2. Deb at aspieinthefamily.com
    Sep 05, 2011 @ 22:03:37

    Oh gosh, it does sound like you have a lot on your plate. My son can rarely tell me what’s upsetting him either so I just have to try and interpret the behaviour. At the moment, he is stressy about returning to school and certain behaviours have flared up which is difficult. Generally though he has improved since he’s been in special school. Hope you get somewhere with the ed psych; funnily enough we have a big mtg this week with ed psych & SENCO regarding my daughter who has aspergers. Dreading it. If you have doubts about your daughter please seek advice and put your mind at rest. I felt the same about my daughter; I had days when I thought there wasn’t a problem and days when I was convinced she had an ASD. Eventually I pushed for an assessment and got her diagnosed. I’m glad I did but many professionals couldn’t believe that I had picked it up as girls present so subtly, as my daughter does. All the best for tomorrow. Deb x

    Reply

    • highlanddream
      Sep 06, 2011 @ 13:35:42

      Hi Deb,
      Many thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it:) I feel very overwhelmed at the moment tbh ( doesn’t help with my mum being in and out of hospital either – I am like a huge ball of stress and emotions!)Today is the longest day of my life, I have never been apart from j for this long and I can’t describe how much I miss him:( He seemed totally out of his comfort zone this morning as I left him poor boy, but will see how he is when I pick him up and hope his teacher has read his little booklet about him I left with her. I just hope some support is put in place for him soon as it just seems so terribly unfair on him. Part of me wishes he would have a meltdown at school and I know i sound like the worst mother in the world, but at least then they could see what I see many times a day and the support would come sooner for him in school, which would reduce his stress and life would be better for him at home too. He is usually like a little pressure cooker when he comes out of school and it can last for hours:( Hope your meeting about your daughter goes well and some positives come out of it, I will be thinking of you. Thanks for your advice re: my daughter too. At the moment I think most professionals would just laugh me out of the door…. I know the struggles I have had getting them to see J’s issues and alot of these can be quite plain to see… so i don’t think i would be taken seriously, unfortunately at all. But I will give it 3-6 months, she will have had some time in nursery by then and I will see if the doubts have disappeared or are still there and then push for an assessment for her if needed. Well, am going to cook my little man his favourite tea while my little lady gets a rest and then we are going to have fun splashing in puddles on the way to pick her big brother up! take care and thanks again, Beth x

      Reply

  3. Deb at aspieinthefamily.com
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 14:29:49

    Your situation sounds just like mine. My son would mask his ASD at school and explode almost as soon as he left the school gate. I was regularly blamed for my son and I was forced to go the medical route to get him diagnosed. It was dreadful; I was constantly exhausted and stressed. Even when he was diagnosed the school ignored it until the day my son had a complete mental breakdown and was out of school for nearly 2 years. Only then did the authorities respond but we had to fight like crazy to get his needs recognised and statemented and then into a special ASD school. I hope I haven’t put you off by saying this but it seems that many schools do not recognise ASD unless it is expressed in physical ways; those children who are passive at school get overlooked, like my children. We havee an incredible fight to get our childrens rights recognised and acted upon but now that my son is in a special school, I can honestly say it was a fight worth going through. Hang in there and if you ever want to email me, please feel free to contact me and have a rant or whatever. Deb x

    Reply

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N.B. the title of this blog comes from my son’s very literal understanding of ‘ magic carpet ride’ ….. he believes this to be a ‘car pit’ ( as in ‘ sand pit’) and demonstrates this with a plastic lid and toy car. The magic comes in when the toy car is covered with the lid and it disappears!

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